Divorce or custody disputes are difficult enough, but when you’re facing mediation with an uncooperative or combative ex, the process can feel even more overwhelming. Mediation is designed to help both parties reach an agreement without going to court, but what happens when your ex refuses to compromise, becomes manipulative, or uses the process to stir up old conflicts?
At Pearson Butler, we’ve helped many Utah clients navigate challenging mediations. With the right mindset, preparation, and legal guidance, you can stay focused, protect your rights, and work toward a fair outcome—even if your ex makes it difficult.
Understand What Mediation Is (and Isn’t)
Mediation is a confidential, non-adversarial process in which a neutral third party—the mediator—helps you and your ex negotiate and reach agreements on issues such as child custody, support, or property division. Unlike a judge, a mediator doesn’t impose decisions; they guide the conversation and help facilitate compromise.
However, mediation only works if both parties participate in good faith. If your ex is controlling, emotionally volatile, or prone to gaslighting, you may need to take additional steps to stay grounded and keep the process on track.
Preparation Is Power
One of the most effective ways to deal with a difficult ex during mediation is to prepare thoroughly in advance. Gather all relevant documentation, including financial records, parenting schedules, and communication logs. Clearly understand your goals, your rights under Utah law, and where you are willing—or not willing—to compromise.
Ask yourself:
- What are my non-negotiables?
- Where am I open to flexibility?
- What would a fair outcome look like?
Working with an experienced family law attorney beforehand can help you understand what’s realistic and how to approach the negotiation strategically.
Set Boundaries and Stay Focused
If your ex tends to derail conversations or bring up unrelated personal grievances, setting emotional and conversational boundaries is essential. Here are a few tips:
- Keep communication brief and focused on the issues
- Avoid reacting emotionally, even if provoked
- Stick to facts rather than getting drawn into personal attacks
- Let the mediator redirect the conversation when needed
Mediation is not the place to resolve old emotional wounds. It’s about finding a workable path, especially if children are involved.
Use Your Attorney as a Shield
In many Utah mediation sessions, attorneys are allowed to attend with their clients. Having your attorney present can provide support, ensure you don’t agree to anything unfair, and help communicate more effectively when the conversation becomes difficult.
If in-person mediation feels unsafe or emotionally damaging, remote mediation (via video call) is often an option. In some cases, shuttle mediation—where each party is in a separate room and the mediator moves between them—can help reduce tension and keep negotiations productive.
Know When to Walk Away
While Utah courts often require mediation before trial, you are not required to reach an agreement at any cost. If your ex refuses to negotiate in good faith or uses the process to control or intimidate you, it’s okay to end mediation and proceed with litigation.
The key is to recognize when the process is no longer productive and ensure that your legal interests are protected throughout.
Divorce Mediation Lawyers in Utah
You don’t have to face a difficult mediation alone. At Divorce or custody disputes are difficult enough, but when you’re facing mediation with an uncooperative or combative ex, the process can feel even more overwhelming. Mediation is designed to help both parties reach an agreement without going to court, but what happens when your ex refuses to compromise, becomes manipulative, or uses the process to stir up old conflicts?, our family law team is experienced in guiding Utah clients through high-conflict situations with professionalism and compassion. Whether preparing for mediation or responding to a challenging co-parent or ex-spouse, we can help you protect what matters most. Contact us today at (800) 265-2314 to schedule a consultation and learn how we can support you at every step.
